Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
