new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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