Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
