i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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