my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
