Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
