whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
