Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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