now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
