I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
