I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
