nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
