Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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