its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
