I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
