I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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