At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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