Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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