Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
