beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
