Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
