I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
