Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
