I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
