genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
