The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
