I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
