she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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