she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you bring me the toilet please
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
