i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
