Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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