I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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