I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
