I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
