Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize