Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize