just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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