I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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