I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
