zippers are such a cool invention
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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