A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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