my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
