SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize