So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
