I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
