I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I party with great urgency now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
