Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
