Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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