she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
