Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
