Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize