why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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