You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
