Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
