so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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