I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
