But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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