In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
