I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Shame - the story of my life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
