Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
