tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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