When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I want is dick and wine.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
