So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
