Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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