Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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