Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
