Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
