Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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