I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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