Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
