:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
