She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize