your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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