he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
