Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
