i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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