Don't you send me to vm
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
