Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
