She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
