i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
