benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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