This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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