I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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