my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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