gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
