...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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