I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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