I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
