I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
