Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Randomize
