I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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