actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's shark week go big or go home
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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